27 responses so far ↓

• 1 Julie // Sep 17, 2008 at 9:25 pm

  What suggestions do you have for parenting two siblings who are close in age? My children are 19 months apart and I feel like I’m always having to choose to leave one crying while I attend to the other. Short of cloning myself, I’m not sure how to meet both of their needs at once. I know it will be easier when they’re older, but what do you do with an infant and a toddler?

• 2 Melissa // Sep 17, 2008 at 9:52 pm

  Do you have any AP-minded resources for parenting children (ages 5 and 7) that have special needs (autism spectrum)? AP works great but so much of the parenting/discipline information out there is not the most AP-friendly.

• 3 Stephanie // Sep 18, 2008 at 7:00 am

  I am trying to become more present in my life so that I can be more attentive and balanced for myself and our family. This is easy to do when the day and/or night is flowing smoothly and I easily have my cup filled. I am most challenged when I am overtasked, depleted, and running low on my cup. Knowing this, what suggestions do you offer for being gentle, positive, compassionate, and aware when you are completely not there? What have you done personally when in the midst of chaos to remain an Attached Parent?

• 4 Brandy // Sep 18, 2008 at 7:04 pm

  I have two boys, one who’s almost 5 and one who’s 2. These days I find that my almost 5 year old doesn’t listen to me when I ask him to do, or not to do, something. I know that he hears me because I’ll ask him how many times I just asked him not to do whatever it is and he’ll correctly tell me. I have tried to get down on his level, have tried gently conveying what I need him to do and it seems that the only response I get is when I raise my voice, which I really don’t like to do. I’m very frustrated and tired by the end of the days now and don’t know what else to try.

  Help please!
  Thank you

• 5 Dax // Sep 18, 2008 at 7:26 pm

  Employing gentle discipline is challenging for me. What are some strategies for AP practicing families to employ gentle discipline and make sure that the message is being received, especially with older children?

• 6 Nicole Diakhate // Sep 18, 2008 at 9:23 pm

  Is there a way to find a Pediatrician who agrees with API, or who at least accept the views of API. My husband has a job that causes us to move around a lot! I don’t have time to try out different Pediatricians. Is there a website or list somewhere that lists these Pediatricians?

• 7 Rita Brhel // Sep 18, 2008 at 11:38 pm

  I have a 2-year-old and a 10-month-old who have different bed times. The 2-year-old goes to bed at 9 p.m. and gets up at 9:30 a.m., and takes a two-hour afternoon nap. She sleeps through the night fine, but lately has been difficult to get to sleep. She screams and cries. I check her diaper, offer her a drink, check to make sure she’s not hot or cold, and comfort the best I can. But she can’t be comforted. I have a difficult time letting her cry herself to sleep, but she doesn’t seem to respond to anything even though she’s very tired. She doesn’t want to be in her crib or sleeping in bed with me or sleeping on a mattress next to my bed. Any suggestions to get her to go to sleep more calmly?

• 8 Lisa // Sep 19, 2008 at 7:24 am

  Do you have any suggestions for encouraging a partner to explore AP (without seeming too pushy) or for how to handle differences of opinion on major issues like discipline or schooling? There seem to be a lot more moms than dads embracing AP (at least it seems that way based on who’s writing, blogging and meeting in groups). Do any other moms have difficulty getting dads on board with AP?

• 9 Hilary // Sep 19, 2008 at 7:43 am

  I have a 9 mo. old son and unfortunately implemented Ferber/Babywise “techniques” when he was apprx. 3 mo. old- Thank God I only did it for 3 weeks until I discovered the concepts of AP- and have read as much as I could. I am a complete convert! My burning question is how to implement the family bed when the baby goes to sleep at 8 and we go to sleep at 11? I haven’t found an answer to this in the reading I have done. We use to just bring him to bed upon his first waking- whether it was 1am or 6am. For the last few months he is waking up every hour after we put him to bed in his crib and we go and put him back to sleep. Then bring him into our bed when we go to sleep and he wakes up less frequently. If were for only a few days or weeks- I could chalk it up to teething or a growth spurt but it has been months. Thank you

• 10 Mariana // Sep 19, 2008 at 8:32 am

  I have a daughter of 19 months, and she´ll be 22 months when her brother will born. I’m afraid of her reaction. She is still nursing, and sleeping with her dad and me. I´ll appreciate your AP recommendations to help my daughter to grow with this experience, and mature in a healthy way.

• 11 Samantha // Sep 19, 2008 at 1:08 pm

  I don’t have a question right now but want to make sure I’m signed up!

• 12 Eve // Sep 19, 2008 at 3:34 pm

  How would you handle a little 3 year old boy saying “bad words”?

  He’s picked up a few and now are his favorite way to get anyone’s attention.

  It’s pretty embarrassing when we are out and about, and frustrating at home when I ask him to stop. His dad talked to him about it as well, but that didn’t stick too long either.

  It’s become quite a challenge. Any suggestions are appreciated!

• 13 Pearly // Sep 19, 2008 at 8:53 pm

  no pressing questions, would just like to be invited to the event. Thanks!

• 14 Susanna // Sep 19, 2008 at 9:10 pm

  please send me the call-in info for this call. I have a 13 mo girl. no questions.

• 15 Amy Scott // Sep 19, 2008 at 9:12 pm

  When my son was 2, our daughter was born, and it rocked his little world. Now, after almost 2 years, his level of maturity is changing and he can control his frustrations so much better with her. However, she is in the fun phase of grabbing whatever he has and running with it. A car, a train, a blanket, minding his own business, she thinks that is the most fun game. I am not sure how to creatively make him feel validated, express to her why that doesn’t work, and how to redirect everyone in a positive manner. Thanks, ladies!

• 16 Michelle Isla // Sep 20, 2008 at 12:03 am

  No immediate questions but would still like the info to call in. Thanks!

• 17 Brandy // Sep 20, 2008 at 9:31 am

  My parents and in-laws are both telling my almost 2 year old “good job” and “god boy” very frequently. I haven’t decided yet if I want to talk to them about it, or just let it go. I’ve had to talk to them about more pressing things and don’t want to nit-pick every thing they say. I also want them to have their own relationship with my son, not a mirror image of mine. Do you think hearing conditional messages like these are as damaging coming from someone who is not a parent? Are they ways I can help him hear what I’d like him to hear from these messages (since I’m sure he’ll encounter them elsewhere as he gets older)?

• 18 Katrina // Sep 21, 2008 at 5:03 pm

  My husband and I began parenting our 4-month-old son in AP style without knowing much about it. We just use our intuition and listen to our son, and it’s working quite well. Because we’re new parents, we’re given lots of advice that we try to politely refuse (e.g.–he needs a schedule; he needs to sleep in his own crib; we’re going to spoil him if we answer his every cry), but some family members still don’t understand and keep mentioning the same things over and over again. I’m good at setting boundaries, but I’m new to setting these kinds of boundaries, and it’s especially difficult when these family members think it’s odd that I see my baby as a person with feelings rather than an object. (What the heck do I say to that?!) So my question is: What are some tried-and-true methods of getting family members to respect our AP parenting style?

• 19 Lesley S Ulloa // Sep 21, 2008 at 7:45 pm

  No immediate questions but want to sign in please. Thanks!

• 20 Melissa // Sep 22, 2008 at 2:07 am

  I’m in agreement with Melissa #1! We need help trying to find AP friendly resources to aid us on our journey dealing with my son’s sensory processing disorder (which is part of the autism spectrum) and the impact it has on our family.

  We definitely need to help practitioners become culturally competent in understanding the culture and norms of Attachment Parenting.

  What can we do as a group to facilitate this so we don’t get labeled as “weird” because of our parenting and can help that works for our family?

• 21 Martha // Sep 22, 2008 at 6:56 am

  I am totally into AP as much as can be and my husband has been on and off into it. He grew up with angry father and he battles disciplining in anger himself. We have tried to co-sleeping. Now my 3 year old has his own bed and we have gently tried to get him in it of his own free will. He will as long as one of us sleeps with him. The other issue is that when my husband is stressed he gets frustrated and my 3 year old picks up on all this even when my husband isn’t directly yelling at him; and I try to make up the difference by taking my son away and play in other room, but feel that this only is making the situation worse. Now I see aggressive behaviors coming out in my son at preschool and he always seems to want to “one-up” the other kids. I know he needs both of us and I don’t know what to do. I am looking for counselors who are AP friendly as well.

• 22 Annie // Sep 22, 2008 at 9:09 am

  No questions at the moment, but looking forward to the discussion!

• 23 Kelly // Sep 22, 2008 at 10:32 am

  I struggle with helping our child care provider (my mom to understand the philosophy of AP. She sees all interactions between me and my children, particularly my 3yo daughter, as a “power struggle” and if I don’t “win”, meaning if she doesn’t do what I want her to do immediately, then I’ve “lost” and given her too much “control”. I am at a loss as to how to help her see that I am seeking to find win-win solutions so that we can all get our needs met. Suggestions for how to deal with this would be most appreciated!

• 24 Mama // Sep 22, 2008 at 10:34 am

  We have a 5 year old who would be considered a “highly sensitive child” by Elaine Aron’s definition. We didn’t realize that there was a “label” for his nature until recently when we read her book about HSCs and it fit his personality to a tee. My partner and I have APd him from day one but our location has been fairly transitory since our child was born. He’s never been willing or able to stay with a babysitter and didn’t even want to stay in another room with a mother’s helper while I was at home. Our family lives very far away so they can’t help give us a reprieve either.

  As a couple we try to get out of bed (he sleeps with us still) to spend some time together or simply to decompress but he still wakes up every 60-90 mins that we aren’t there and cries and wants us to come back to bed. We are burnt out and feel less and less like we are good attached parents…our tanks are just running on empty. He homeschools and he refuses to participate in any other activities (play groups or structured group activities) and we don’t know what to do to get a break together.

  It doesn’t seem very AP to shove him in to one of those situations (lots of tears and apprehension) as our parents have suggested but we don’t feel we are very patient or empathetic right now either. Please share some ideas with how we can continue to AP our very sensitive child!!

• 25 Rebecca Ray // Sep 22, 2008 at 10:58 am

  Lysa, I just met you last week here in Austin at the leader meeting. As you know, we are expecting a baby in February. However, on Friday we had a 20 week ultrasound and discovered our baby girl suffers from a devestating neural tube defect call anencephaly, in which her brain failed to form. We induce labor wednesday, will hold her upon birth and keep her warm until she passes away. Can you guys suggest any AP themed books on continuing to parent through grief, since we have a delightful almost 3 year old son who will still need our full love and attention. Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions!

• 26 Cannedam // Sep 23, 2008 at 11:51 am

  What do you do when your teen daughter is diametrically opposed to one of your core beliefs? I want to respect her opinions and let her come to her own conclusions, but any time we try to have an open discussion about this one issue, she ends up yelling at me. The issue is abortion. I am pro choice, she is anti-choice.

• 27 Avigael // Sep 23, 2008 at 3:33 pm

  we have an 18 month old boy who is overall a very good kid but he is starting to test limits! he literally doesnt take no for an answer! we tried different ways of saying no but nothing seems to work.
  what do we do?